Stocks are falling like we’re on the brink of a recession. Gold prices are falling like everything is perfectly fine—nothing to see here! Bonds are rising like the Fed is about to swoop in with rate cuts. Oil prices are rising like those rate cuts got canceled by the chaos in the Middle East. Crypto is crashing like it’s auditioning for the lead role in a bear market drama. Housing prices are rising like we’re still in the middle of a booming bull market.

Absolutely nothing adds up. But hey, who needs logic when you’ve got geopolitical tensions and market confusion to keep you entertained?